29/4/2007

The entire Urban Salmon squad was discovered dead in a small inner-London brothel this week. Police details have led to the incident being coined in the press as the "Goat Orgy Scandal of Old London Town".

The entire Urban Salmon squad was discovered dead in a small inner-London brothel this week. Police details have led to the incident being coined in the press as the "Goat Orgy Scandal of Old London Town". Reports of penguins, oxen and goats at the scene were played down, but witnesses reported seeing police removing the carcass of what appeared to be a giant panda bear from the basement of the building.

"Ah say, it's an outrage," said Elvis, who had been hoping to see his beloved team playing an exhibition 5-a-side match against a World 5, featuring Zinedine Zidane and some random bloke in a Darth Vader outfit. "Ah can't believe my Salmon would do this to me. Ah'm heartbroken, yes sir."

Other historical figures, including Darwin, Edward Teach and Hannibal voiced their own distaste at the incident, while Hollywood celebrities were up in arms about both the potential abuse to the animals, and the fact that none of the members of Urban Salmon had seen fit to invite them to the orgy.

"I would have expected at least a video feed," said Jack Nicholson. "I've been bored all week. At least it would have livened things up."

Board members of Urban Salmon have refused to comment.